When host parent Doug Menard got out the mop, the Japanese student staying
at his home rushed to fetch her camera to take a photo of him washing the kitchen
floor. "She wanted to send the picture back to Japan, because otherwise nobody
would believe that a man would do that," laughs Menard.
Homestay - international students living with North American families - is a recipe for a wide range of experiences: culture shock, joyous relationships, miscommunication and intercultural learning. "The students go through a variety of experiences - loving it, hating it, being homesick and crying," says Barbara Land, homestay coordinator with ELS Language Center in Houston. "I always tell the students that it's OK to cry."
There are hundreds of homestay programs across North America and thousands of students and host families taking part at any time. Participants range from 14-year-old high school students to 70-year-old retirees. The vast majority of high school students studying in the United States and Canada live with host families. As well, an estimated one-third of young adults attending ESL programs at colleges and private-sector language schools take advantage of homestay when it is offered.
"Most of them want to be in an environment where they can improve their English," says Katherine Macdougall, summer housing coordinator at the University of California in San Diego. "The second reason is that they want to experience American culture."
A third factor, although not always stated, is safety. "Many of the parents of the students encourage them to choose homestay as opposed to residence because they know they will be looked after," says Mary-Lou Nolte, homestay coordinator at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario.
Whatever the reason for students choosing homestay, it is clear that it brings challenges not associated with
dormitories or apartments. Before the students even leave home, they may have totally unrealistic expectations about
life with an American family. 
"They
come here thinking that all Americans are very wealthy and that the houses are big and beautiful," says Susan
McKelvey, homestay coordinator with ELS in Philadelphia.
In matching students with host families, coordinators probe students about their interests and desires and carefully check the background of host families. Usually, prospective hosts must complete an application form, followed by an in-home interview and inspection of the student's room and the rest of the home. Increasingly, homestay coordinators are asking families to provide evidence from the local police that they do not have a criminal record.
Coordinators also try and determine the family's motivation for hosting a student. "If I get the feeling that all they are interested in is money or having a babysitter, I just forget it," says McKelvey.
Upon arrival in North America, the students
invariably experience culture shock. Asian students, whose culture is so different from ours, often suffer most
accutely. "We had one student who said that everything was shocking," says Nolte. " The food was
shocking. The fact that the host father prepares supper or washes the dishes was shocking."
The differences between their home country and North America can be quite striking. Usually, participants get their image of American families from television or the movies and expect their host family to conform to that. "The family which is one the media is the abnormal, not the normal," notes Land. Alternatively, students expect that their host family will be exactly like their family in their home country. Some are horrified to find out that families here are often non-white and may come in all shapes and sizes, including single-parent families and childless couples.
Often, students come expecting that families will be able to spend endless amounts of time helping them with their English and explaining how North American society functions. They get a shock when they realize that both parents usually work and that in the evening they may be busy taking the children to soccer practice and music lessons.
Unfamiliar foods can also disturb the
student's sense of belonging in the new culture. For some students, especially Asians, the food is dramatically
different. "Some families serve microwave dinners or hamburgers, and they find it hard to get used to that,"
says Macdougall of UCSD. Adds Nolte: "Families try to find out what they like, but they've signed up for an
experience with a Canadian family so they have to expect Canadian food."
Other common issues include:
Smoking: "A lot of our families don't allow smoking at all in their homes," Macdougall says. "There have been cases where students have been told this, but they continue to smoke in their rooms." Hosts are inevitably angry when they smell smoke coming from a student's room.
Family pets: In many cultures, it is not
considered clean to have animals in the house, so students are surprised to see their hosts petting and even kissing
pets. Land, of ELS Houston, compares it to an American going to live in a country where goats and chickens are commonly
allowed to roam about the house. "It's a big adjustment to have dogs or cats in the house," she says.
Courtesy: Rules of common courtesy can vary around the world. "One of the big issues is letting the host family know if you are not going to be home on time for a meal," notes Land, "In some countries, you just sort of do what you want."
Ultimately, time helps students to adjust to
what seems like a bizarre lifestyle in North America. Commented one student: "First, I felt I couldn't continue
homestay because I didn't know what should I do. However, gradually I could understand lifestyle and realized host
family's kindness. When it was my birthday, they held birthday party for me. I don't forget in my life."
Many schools are actively helping their students overcome these challenges and to make their experience in America one to treasure. Some offer workshops on culture shock or provide counselling to those in need of help.
As well, homestay coordinators are helping students be better prepared before they leave home and to have realistic expectations of their sojourn. A number of ESL programs are sending their homestay students a new booklet, The Essential Guide for Homestay Students in North America, so that they can make the most of the homestay experience. The 60-page booklet covers everything from expectations to culture shock to how to make a sandwich. It is available in English, Japanese, Korean, Arabic, Spanish, Chinese and Portuguese versions. (Cost per book ranges from $2 to $6 depending on volume; for information, contact us or call 613-542-9876).
There is also a book available for homestay parents, The Host Family Survival Kit. The 215-page book explains the stages of adjustment that a student goes through and provides advice on handling day-to-day situations. (Cost is $13.95; for information call 1-800-370-2665). It is most suitable for hosts of high school students, rather than adults.
As well, classroom teachers are encouraged
to do their part to help homestay students adjust to North American society. California's Monterey Institute of
International Studies has integrated a number of homestay-related activities into its curriculum. In one project,
students gather information about the immigration history of the host family and report this to the class. This helps
students get to know their host family and also teaches them about the diverse background of families in America. (Students
who are not in homestay can choose another American to profile.)
Other classroom activities include role-playing a dinnertime conversation with the host family or preparing a photojournal by selecting a photo that shows their experience in North America and writing an accompanying paragraph.
However, teachers are urged to let homestay coordinators deal with any conflict that arises between a student and host
family. When a student approaches a teacher about a 
homestay
problem, the teacher is only getting one perspective on the story. Homestay coordinators have extensive experience in
mediating any conflicts between students and hosts and have probably heard the exact same issues before.
For students who are still in high school, a somewhat different set of expectations exist. "Host parents treat them like teenagers of their own," says Dianne Eddy, homestay coordinator with the Langley District School Board in Langley, British Columbia. Each year, her board hosts about 300 international students, 250 of whom stay with local families. "You are a parent, but you are a second parent," says Eddy. "They have curfews, you need to make sure they do their homework and so on."
Eddy also makes it clear that the host families do not have legal responsibility for a high-school student's actions. Hosts who are worried that a student's behavior is dangerous or illegal can contact the homestay coordinator at the local school. If the student fails to heed a warning, he is sent back to his native country.
Across the continent, homestay coordinators report that most students are very enthusiastic about their homestay experience. Sometimes students will move to an apartment after a term in a homestay. Coordinators advise that hosts should not be offended by this - the student may simply want to try living independently before returning to his or her native country. In some cases, homestay leads to lifelong friendships and to North American hosts travelling to their student's country to visit.
Ultimately, the success of the homestay depends on the student's willingness to be open to other cultures and on the 
host
family's ability to understand the student's perspective. Says Nolte of Queen's University: "They get over the
difficulties sooner or later and then it's a very valuable learning experience. They realize that there are many good
ways of doing things, not just one right way."
Concludes one student about his experience with a Canadian family: "I don't have any difficulties to live with them. I had a excellent time. They are always kind for me, even though they are busy. They tried to show me Canadian culture and helped me improve my English skill. Thank you to have introduced wonderful family."
Doug Ronson is a host parent in Kingston, Ontario, and has made presentations about homestay at ESL conferences.